This past week I’ve had one of those parental “you should be ashamed, you’re a bad girl” voices in my head. Do you ever get that?
It quietly pervades my life and I end up feeling like I have a little rain cloud over my head. I know that this blog is a happy space for you and for me, and I truly do have joy and delight in my days even when this “bad girl” stuff is going on. Just like everyone else, I’m a work in progress!
The ‘shame on you’ voice is punishing me for annoying little things, that then become self-fulfilling prophecies. “You’re getting chubby” (and then I eat more). “You need to exercise more” (and then I go to the gym less). “When are you going to stop eating all that junk” (and I take another handful of chips). You get the idea! It doesn’t take too long for me to feel unlovable.
Well, that’s something I don’t like at all! So it’s time to get loveable again ;).
On our motorcycle ride today I figured out what’s at the root of it. I feel guilty that I don’t have another temp job yet to help us financially. (I’m retired but we want to get set for hubby’s retirement in 16 mos.)
What’s amazing is that one simple thought had the power to trigger my ‘you’re a bad girl’ voice in multiple other places where it’s been quiet for a long time. I’m carrying my little rain cloud everywhere when all I have to do is tell my hubby I feel bad about it, forgive myself, and be proactive about getting some cash! Well, ok, the last one might not be so easy since I LOVE not going to work, but hey, if it gets me back to feeling loveable I’m going for it.
Moral of the story? Next time my ‘you’re a bad girl’ voice comes to lecture, I’m going to find out who sent it. Why should I talk to the inept assistant manager when I can deal with the boss.
As always I welcome comments on this and any other part of my blog. Let me know if you have that nagging parental voice and what you do about it. 😀