Fiesta Friday Fun: Smithsonian Barbie

I’m going to a virtual party today and since I’m an actress and storyteller, I’m bringing a tall tale about the Smithsonian Barbie.

This week I’m going to join the Fiesta Friday Challenge and party! Each of us must bring something to the celebration.

Here is how Angie at The Novice Gardener describes it:

Fridays are usually filled with anticipation for a fun and exciting or relaxing weekend. Fridays are somehow viewed more special than other weekdays. They’re days to indulge, to let your hair down, and to celebrate by kicking it up a notch.

Create a new post specifically for Fiesta Friday. The post can be about food (recipe you make or restaurant review), activity (games you play, movies you watch), fashion (what you wear), music (what you listen to), or even uplifting quotes and funny jokes. The idea is to share something that helps you get your groove back after a long week of work. In doing so, you’ll inspire others.

I can guarantee you I won’t be bringing a recipe! I do not cook. BUT I am an actress and comedienne so I am going to put on my storytelling costume and head to the party.

barbie

FireBonnet the Storyteller

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, let me read to you a most interesting letter that found its way to the Smithsonian Museum in our great capital of Washington D.C. not too long ago…

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC20078Dear Sir:Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret toinform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents “conclusive proof ofthe presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.” Rather,it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believesto be the “Malibu Barbie”. It isevident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and youmay be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with yourprior work in the fieldwere loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel thatthere are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you offto it’s modern origin:

  • 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  • 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  • 3. The dentition patternevident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. Thislatter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
    • A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
    • B. Clams don’t have teeth.

    It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name “Australopithecus spiff-arino.” Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

    However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

    Yours in Science,

    Harvey Rowe
    Curator, Antiquities

Read more at http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/smithsonian.asp#m3jK8DOTZ06L4C8U.99

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled “211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.” We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents “conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago.” Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the “Malibu Barbie”. It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it’s modern origin:

  • 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
  • 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
  • 3. The dentition pattern evident on the “skull” is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the “ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams” you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
  • A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
  • B. Clams don’t have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it’s normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating’s notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation’s Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name “Australopithecus spiff-arino.” Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn’t really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation’s capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the “trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix” that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities
(Read more at http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/smithsonian.asp#m3jK8DOTZ06L4C8U.99) I did NOT write this story, it is an internet classic that’s been around for years. I just pulled it out and dusted it off.

I truly hope my tongue in cheek story about the Smithsonian Barbie has brought enough entertainment to the party that I may sneak a few bites of the delicious dishes so many of the challenge participants have brought. Thank you very much (I curtsy grandly).

As always I am so pleased that you visited. Your comments warm my heart and put a smile in my day. :D

FireBonnet

fiesta-friday-badge-button-i-party

15 thoughts on “Fiesta Friday Fun: Smithsonian Barbie

  1. Meghan Post author

    Thank you Angie! I’m already looking for my offering for next week. πŸ˜‰ Thank you so much for hosting the party.

  2. Angie

    Way to go, Meghan. You aptly saw the need for a story at the fiesta, and you brought a highly-amusing one. Enjoyed it very much! More, please! πŸ™‚

  3. Meghan Post author

    Ooooo, yes. I thought of that. I changed my coffee and am using the pour over method so my tummy is handling it much better.

  4. Meghan Post author

    You are so gracious Jhuls! I am really enjoying the party and can’t wait for next week’s. I am particularly happy that the food is all calorie free! πŸ˜‰

  5. Ngan R.

    I love your tongue in cheek humor. This is a great piece, I’m only sad I can’t hear you read this in real life because I know you would do a beautiful job of reading it. Smithsonian barbie indeed! Thank you for the lively story!

  6. sue

    FB!!! So nice to see you at the party. Very clever post, here. And I have to gush at the gorgeous picture of you, so pretty! Now maybe next time publish your little coffee concoction, thermos included!

  7. Jhuls

    Welcome to Fiesta Friday! We are so happy to have you here! πŸ™‚

    Party goers don’t necessarily have to bring food, because we also enjoy good stories and your story is so entertaining! πŸ˜€ We would love to eat and listen to you while we do. But don’t you worry, you can eat too while you are telling your stories. πŸ˜€

    Anyway, thanks again for coming today and we hope to see you again, Meghan!

    Have fun at FF15 and have a wonderful weekend! <3

  8. Meghan Post author

    What a gracious welcome! Thank you so much. I love the clams don’t have teeth too… and of course my hubby likes the crescent wrench reference. I can’t wait til I see what I bring next week either! πŸ˜‰

  9. Selma @ Selma's Table

    There you are – hello and welcome to Fiesta Friday – I’ve finally managed to make my way to you, through this throng, to thank you for bringing this brilliant piece of writing with you! Clams don’t have teeth! Fabulous!! And I love that gorgeous flower garland in your hair – you have certainly come looking the part! Thanks for joining in. Can’t wait to see what you will bring next week… Yours in butter – Selma!

  10. Meghan Post author

    Awesome! I’ll have to get another clever thing to bring to the party next week. As I said… no way I’m cooking. πŸ˜‰

  11. Polianthus

    Dear Meghan
    how much fun this post is – made me smile, loved the sentence “yours in science” too, I might have to adopt that, really great. thanks for popping by my blog I look forward to reading more of your tall tales πŸ™‚ Poli

  12. Pingback: Fiesta Friday #15 | The Novice Gardener

  13. Meghan Post author

    I’m so glad! You never know when you go to a party for the first time whether you’ll be a hit or not. πŸ˜‰

I'd love to hear from you!

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